I think I am the most fickle person on the planet

Just a few months ago I posted ‘This is where I’m supposed to be’ ….. But now I’m not coming back next semester. Ha

I’m a little afraid I will regret it in the future. I’m still a little hesitant on not coming back. Part of me feels like I’m ‘making a huuuge mistake by not coming back’, and the other part says “You can go to college anywhere. This will be a fresh start.” So much has changed. School just isn’t ‘fun’ anymore. There ARE still days that I have fun and say I’m so glad to be going here… but for the most part, I’m just not happy. I just feel a different spirit up here. But I also have a heavier heart up here.

I think a huge part of that is because I am just lazy and have no drive to go out and do anything. I would rather stay in my pjs and watch a movie than spend two hours getting ready to go out to dinner.

I’m scared that if I tried to go out and do more fun things, after making my decision not to come back… I’ll change my mind.

The fear of not knowing exactly what my future holds, scares the hellllll out of me.

But I’m not scared for my fresh start. I’m excited. This IS what I want.

…I want both, I guess. But I want choice number two, more.

Choice number 2:

Go home in 5 weeks, work for Classic Photography (a job I’ve wanted for about 3 years) and try to find a second job, pay off my loans, save money for rent for a few months, job/ apartment hunt, move to Vegas in September, start work and possibly school.

I want to be there. Part of my heart always stays in Vegas when I leave. Its where I belong.

I don’t want anyone judging my decision anymore. I’m an adult.

My dad tells me constantly “It doesn’t matter what your mom wants, or what Erin wants, or what I want, or even what Blair wants... this is your life, and you need to live it.”

I remember that every single day. It’s MY life. Nobody can tell me what to do. Sure, I can be influenced and advised.. but nobody can MAKE me do anything.

  

Pros/ Cons

I have to say goodbye to my awesome roommates.

It’ll be harder to come back once I leave, if I ever want to

I know how to live on my own, I learned a lot.

I have a lot more patience.

First grown up move

I’ll be with My Blair

Nothing left for me back home

Not knowing what I will do in Vegas

I don’t know what I want to do yet, career-wise

I’m scared I wont be good enough. (HUGE leap of faith)

Cheaper at BYU-I

Parents are helping pay

Ash is here

I just hope I don’t regret this decision someday in the future.